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The Latest from Brad Montgomery
1. A Cool Message from Dorfus Dottydunkin.
2. The Third Wise Man
3. Speakers Introductions Are Boring.
4. Cool Links to Even More Humor.
Nicknames at Work Can Make You Smile
Hi, My Name is Dorfus Dottydunkin.
My 12 year old son LOVES Captain Underpants (which is a very cool kids’ book). Heck, I love it too. The following is excerpted from a children’s book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names…
So, here’s how you do it:
1. Use the second letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = dotty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is: Crusty Chucklefanny.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO NOW?
Try this for your favorite client. (Or your nightmare client. For your workmate. Your boss. Your spouse. Try it at dinner time with the family. Trust me… it’s pretty funny… even if you’re not eight.)
Yours, Dorfus Dottydunkin
The Third Wise Man Might Surprise You
During a recent trip speaking in South Carolina I had the good fortune to drive back to the airport with a very wise man.
I was rushed after finishing my keynote to get to the airport. As it was a smaller town, if I missed the last flight I’d have to spend an extra night on the road.
The wise man noticed I was hurrying and we started talking about the over-fast pace by which we all seem to live.
“It just doesn’t make sense. We are all in such a rush, and it just doesn’t help much,” he said. “Like when you’re on the freeway rushing along, passing everybody you can. Switching lanes here, passing people there. And sometimes you notice a particular car as you pass them.”
He continues, “But when you get there, they are there too. That car you remembered passing so long ago is there too? How is that possible?”
Then, this wise hotel shuttle driver was just silent, as was I. It was weird; I was in such a hurry, and — to be honest — I just wasn’t listening to this man that closely. But for some reason, when he talked about the car “being there too” it just got me. It held me.
I said something lame like, “Dude, that story is absolutely profound.”
He just nodded and said, “When you rush to get there, that other guy you passed is already there.”
What’s the point? I thought about that nice man — to whom I gave a huge tip and a copy of one of my books — on the plane and here’s what I think he meant:
Rushing takes a ton of energy, time, and trouble. It raises our stress level through the roof. We get stressed, we get anxious, and we get tired. And in the end, it really doesn’t make a difference. In the end, we “get there” about the same time as the people we were so busy “passing.”
The Three Wise Men: Ghandi. Yoda. And the Embassy Suites Shuttle Driver.
It’s ok… slow down.
(Which is cool because it gives you some extra time to have some fun and play. : )
Speakers Introductions Are Boring!
Are you a professional speaker, an entertainer or a presenter of any kind? Let’s face it, 99% of introductions for speakers are boring as heck. They are too long. They practically repeat the speaker’s resume´. And they are boring. Really freaking boring.
What makes it worse is that in most cases, the audience has a written copy of the speakers achievements and credentials in their lap DURING this boring introduction.
But speakers and entertainers need introductions. What should you do?
First of all, remember that it’s up to you as a speaker to create and deliver a great written introduction for your introducer to use. (TIP: Use 20 pt font so they can read it without their glasses.)
Second, no matter how long your intro is, shorten it. And then shorten it some more.
Third, make sure that your intro doesn’t duplicate the bio that is in the convention or meeting program.
And finally, (and this is the best one) make sure that that your introduction helps you to connect to the audience. I tell most of the clients in my coaching programs to include something personal and NOT related to their talk. Maybe they are a passionate dog lover. Or they will drive for hours for the absolute best Mexican food. Or that they have a secret passion for cooked spinach.
Why? For two reasons. First, because this type of stuff will usually get a laugh from the audience. And that’s a good thing. Really good. But second, and more importantly, this type of intro will help CONNECT you to your audience. If your audience hears that you are a real person with real loves, real passions, and a real personality, they will relate to you. And after all, isn’t it this sort of connection that professional speakers are after?
You bet…. so trash your old intro and start fresh.
How To Give a Speech So You Don’t Look Like an Idiot
Learn how to create and deliver a funny speech by tomorrow! (Heck, shut the door, READ THIS, then get out your pen and you can have this done in one hour!)
Are you a believer in the power of levity and lightheartedness and its ability to help your organization get to where it deserves to be? Are you having trouble convincing the masses? Give us a call. We can help.
Book Brad For Your
If your meetings drag on and on … then perhaps an ice breaker would help.
Humor Me book, Humor Tool Kit, CD! $37.77 (Free Shipping!)
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Brad Montgomery is a laugh-out-loud funny motivational speaker, humor at work expert and Meeting Energizer. Speaking. Facilitation. Customized High-Energy Content Games. Master of Ceremonies, & Copy Boy.
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Seriously dude. It’s time to get back to work. Don’t you have some email to return or something?
Ok, now you’re just pushing it. You need some serious help with time management. Move on baby! This thing is over!
Since you’re still here, here’s a video of a flash mob performance in Seattle. I love it for two reasons. One, the energy is undeniable. I’d love to be part of one, and I’d love to witness one. Second, what killer marketing for the TV show. Hire some dancers, and let YouTube have it’s way. I wish I had thought of it.
You must be craving more. Why are you here? I bet you have something that you SHOULD be doing but don’t want to. Clean your desk. Get coffee. Call your mom.
There has to be a better way to procrastinate than this!
Since you’re here …might as well check out my blog. (Hey! If you can’t fight it, embrace it!)